When God first put it in my heart that I was to blog to help new believers, I was so excited! I had so many subjects that I wanted to write about! When I ran out of subjects, I waited until I felt inspired like a tug in my heart to blog about certain things. But lately, it's been a struggle. Everything is a struggle actually. I never know what to write about. I feel no inspiration... nothing! But today I heard God tell me to write about my current struggles.
This may be a hard one to write or even to share on Facebook because I am ashamed of my weaknesses. Scared to be judge by the world. But I must. The last few months has been hard. It's been a constant battle where often I feel like I don't have the energy to even pray or spend time in the Word. I don't even feel interested in doing so. I feel like I am being a bad Christians in every way possible. Constantly making mistakes with my faith and not pleasing my God. I am struggling with the issues of this world. On my good days, the dark stuff of this world is always in the back of my mind. It's like I am never able to completely relax. I feel that after a year of faith, I am nowhere near where I should be. I struggle letting the spirit of God lead me instead of giving in to the flesh. Struggling to fix my eyes on Jesus and not the issues of this world. Struggling to fully trust God and His timing. I am finding myself making "deals" with God. I will give You what You want when You give me what I want type of thing. I keep going on Facebook looking for things to make my mind race up. Even though people tell me that God loves me deeply, I sometimes find it hard to believe. When I first gave my life to Jesus, I always felt like I was not worthy. That I would not be going to heaven. Eventually growing into my faith made me see things differently and those thoughts went away but its back and its strong! My husband kindly reminded me earlier that I was being attacked in full swing by the devil. He is right. I knew he would be back.
To give you an example on how the devil works. Since January, I started an online Christian ministry course. In hope to eventually become a Christian life coach. I was so motivated! I managed to complete all of my blocks but now I am stuck. I have one test and one written lesson left that I need to finish by July 2nd. Its been months! I cant bring myself to write one thing. I am unmotivated. They want me to answer 5 or 6 questions about feedback on the course. I am blank! Instead of asking God for help, I just procrastinate hoping sooner than later, something would come to mind. Why can I just ask God for help?! It seems so easy but here I am. Feeling like the worst Christian of this world.
I know this is just a phase and things will change around once again. I pray that whoever reads this and relates to it know that you are not the only one struggling. That things wont always be this way. That God does loves you and I and will never leave our side.
God bless, Nancy xo
You are right, you are not alone... I am going through stuff also at the moment and can't seem to find the light at the end of the tunnel.. Love you sis 😘